23x23: 23 Lessons from ’23 (so far)
2023 is unreal so far. Fast-paced. So much change. Halfway through—I started a shiny new planner and everything! Once I adjusted to one change, another would follow. Change that made me feel light, change that made me feel heavy. But I appreciate it, because I’d rather know I’m being directed on the right path, adjusting to change, than on the same one: comfortable for a bit then eventually bored as hell, or trying to live in a space that just isn’t the right fit—that maybe I’ve outgrown, or never really was right in the first place.
This year hasn’t felt easy so far, but it’s been jam-packed with Lessons. (Capital “L” Lessons, okay?) Thankfully, I’m never one to give up on finding and holding onto the good. There’s always good to find out there.
@ The Art Institute of Chicago / Lyric Opera / Rivers Restaurant
1. Hold onto wonder.
On a recent trip, someone mentioned I find excitement in any situation.
In 2023, I can say I started off the year on a boat back from Mexico, less than a month later at a resort in Florida (with my work wife! Lovinggg youuu, Anita), and mid-year went to Chicago and saw more of the city than I did the first time in 2017. For a girl from a cow town, I can’t believe how much I’ve traveled in recent years thanks to the best job ever, and traveling out of the U.S. (for real, for real) is on my “Before 30” list.
I’m thankful to carry a noticeable wonder for the world strong enough that someone took notice of it. I’m thankful that I haven’t let anyone dull my wonder. I’m the most thankful for letting my wonder lead me to wherever I may end up—because with it, I know it’s gonna be somewhere pretty great.
2. Prioritize rest.
3. You know you—cancel out anyone else’s noise about you.
4. Boundaries are necessary.
It’s difficult to make boundaries in general but especially for people you’ve known for years. You have to try and correct years of treatment that may not reflect how you want to interact, to feel loved. You have to make boundaries with yourself, even—and sometimes that’s the hardest.
5. Meet others where they are at.
6. You should not have to prove you deserve respect.
7. Leave behind relationships that prove to be more harmful than helpful.
It can feel so life-shattering to leave a relationship behind. Connections with other people become routine. How you understood others, understood yourself, your world—it feels like so much can change once you decide enough is enough and cut someone off for the best, for your well-being.
It’s valid to miss relationships in which your treatment of each other wasn’t the best. But remember: You should be surrounded with people that make life feel lighter instead of adding to your stress and creating problems in your life that don’t exist when they aren’t around.
Protect your circle but, at the same time, stay open to the world. Again: There is so much good out there! Letting go of relationships that ran their course opens up for the promise of something new, something safe, something better. And you deserve the best, okay?:)
@ The Green Door Tavern / Millennium Park / Qing Xiang Yuan Dumplings
8. Make time for people who care.
9. Match energy.
A hard pill to swallow this year was noticing which relationships fell out when I stopped being the one to carry them—relationships you would hope, maybe even expect, to last.
Thankfully, I feel closer than ever in friendships this year, some I never expected to grow to this point of caring check-ins, bringing each other work snacks, and inside jokes that earn that throw-your-head-back kind of laughter. I’m so thankful for those unexpected friendships, treasures of people I didn’t even know I would connect with on this level.
I’m also thankful for the friendship that lasted through the fallout of other falling outs. When someone stays by your side during your most broken moments? That shit’s real.
10. Have faith in improvement.
I am working sooo hard on this! Have been for the past few years. Sometimes I get so impatient, wanting the good to come now, hitting that breaking point of, “I’ve worked so hard for so long, and what do I have to show for it? I should just give up.” But that’s life sometimes—riding out routines, yet still finding that wonder in the little moments.
11. Remember past successes.
12. If you don’t make your own decisions, someone else will.
13. Don’t hold yourself to your previous standards.
I used to push myself so hard in undergrad. I worked two jobs for most of it, was a full-time student with high marks, and worked out five times a week (sometimes two-a-days.) It was rough to feel like a failure when I had to skip not just days but weeks of workouts or fall behind in other ways in grad school. I had to tell myself I wasn’t 21 anymore, that these jobs and classes required different demands, and most importantly, my previous self didn’t have a healthy school-work-life balance to begin with—I didn’t have the opportunity for it.
I’m really focused on finding out what feels good now, what works for me now. If you wouldn’t hold yourself to someone else’s standards, why hold yourself to your past self’s standards? Honor what you need now.
@ Grant Park / My Place
14. Hurdles are not dead ends.
15. Take stock of the good.
16. What is meant for you will come.
17. Give yourself grace.
Give yourself the same grace you give others. If people in your life aren’t understanding of you needing to fill your cup before you can fill anyone else’s, maybe they aren’t the right fit for your life anymore.
18. Moments of “not having it together” highlight needed change.
19. No one else has to understand your decisions.
20. Try something new more often than not.
I bought myself a keyboard to teach myself. And skates. I want to learn to swim. I taught myself how to ride a bike in undergrad! lol.
There were so many things my childhood didn’t allow, and now that I’m the one caring for myself, I’m truly the only person holding me back—from any new experience. This can be fearful, but more so liberating. There are going to be wrong notes and falls along the way. So what?
I feel so open to the world right now, to life right now. Sure, there’s a slight hangover of former fear, but I’m getting better at tuning it out. There’s so much world out there, and not just “out there”—but out there for me. If I don’t center myself in my own story, who will? I don’t want to do myself an injustice by pigeonholing myself to what I already know when there’s so much more to learn, experience, and feel.
@ Roscoe’s Tavern / Fancy Plants Café
21. You are—even if it doesn’t feel like it right now—on the right track.
22. In moments when you feel like you’re the only one in your corner, that is more than enough. You are more than enough.
23. You truly are in control of creating your life.
It’s wild to think this blog is like, 5 years old. 5 years! Like, what? I’ll never forget my boyfriend at the time I made it being all, “What’s the point of a blog?” It’s interesting, I’ve noticed, how some people have to find a reason for everything. Sure, I run my photo business off of this website now, but this site is more so my way of just sharing stories through words, pictures, and music. Not every aspect of life has to have a “point” or “goal” or make money. In fact, my favorite parts of life usually don’t.
Part of what I love about life is when I feel truly present. Feeling good, “a part of it all.” Like, when you look at the sky and it looks different that day. Those days where the sky isn’t just any old version of the sky but a version that feels like it was meant for you—particularly you. It’s times like that when I know I’m around the right people, in the right place. I can breathe easy and laugh freely. I love those moments where you find pause and everything just feels… simple. In the best of ways. Simple joys can take you to some pretty great places, I’ve realized.
Lately, I’m smiling with my teeth, taking advice from problem solvers instead of problem finders, and—now that I’ve got another degree in the bag—doing whatever the hell I want. There’s a beauty in that. In life. Just living to live, creating to create, and hoping it will all work out in the end. I’m kind of done hoping, though. I want to truly believe it. I’m getting there.
I will create a beautiful life for myself, and I’m sure whoever reads this will too.
Lovinggg youuu, babes.
- KJC